Farewells Or Goodbyes
by padfootagain
Summary: Parting from Caspian as he leaves Narnia in search of the missing Lords who knew his father is hard for the two of you. But you believe that this is no Farewell, just a goodbye.


This is just cute, I hope you like this :)

* * *

Books. Shelves and shelves full of books. Probably more books than you could ever read. The royal library had always been your favourite place in the Castle. Since he was King, Caspian had insisted on filling the room with Telmarine _and_ Narnian books and parchments. You spent most of your time wandering through the piles of old tales, reading, wondering which part of the stories were true and which were legends.

It was peaceful. You were alone in the dusty room. It smelled like time and ink and candlelight...

But this time you weren't here to read. You were hiding, hoping no one would come here looking for you. And... you had spent so many nights here with him, reading, talking, walking outside to watch the stars...

You didn't want to see him go.

Caspian was leaving. His boat was finished, and he was about to sail away... you were supposed to go this afternoon with all the other maidens to bid him farewell and see him go.

But you didn't want to bid him farewell, you wanted him to come back. You didn't want to see him go, you wanted him to stay...

You had tried to convince him but there were no words you could speak that would make him change his mind. He was determined to go. And you understood that he _needed_ to leave. But it was still breaking your heart.

You were sure every single woman in the Castle would wear their most beautiful dress and try to use the occasion to get the King's attention. And you couldn't bear it this time. You couldn't deal with the nasty glances and the calculated movements... You didn't belong there. You had never belonged there. And Caspian leaving was already too much for you to cope with. So you had decided not to go to see him leaving. You had warned your best friend not to wait for you when she would go in the throne room. Caspian was supposed to make a short speech before bidding goodbye to everyone in the room, by shaking hands for his closest friends and advisers, by a simple nod for the others.

The only thought of seeing him leaving the Castle to sail across the ocean was unbearable. How could you possibly find the strength to watch him go?

You looked outside, watching the sun bathing the walls of the Castle. It was almost midday, you just had a few more hours to wait here...

You jumped when you heard the heavy doors open. Your eyes widened at the sight of Caspian walking inside the room.

"I knew I would find you here," he said, smiling.

"What are you doing here?" you asked. "I thought you would be busy all day long."

"I am," he nodded. "But I came across one of your friends. And she told me you would not come this afternoon to say goodbye."

You guiltily looked down at your feet.

"Are you sick?" he asked, clearly worried.

"No, I'm fine," you reassured him.

He took several steps towards you, until he was standing right before you.

"Why don't you want to come then?" he asked.

His voice was deep and soft, it sounded like a warm fire in the middle of winter.

You shrugged, unwilling to admit how you felt.

"I... I would be very happy if you... if you could come," Caspian stuttered.

"As you wish... Your Highness," you breathed.

He frowned, delicately taking your chin between his fingers to force you to look up at him.

You refrained your tears, and tried to wear a blank expression. He seemed... puzzled.

"I thought we had agreed on you calling me by name when we were alone," he said slowly. "Why do you not want to come? I'll probably be gone for months... and it's the last chance I'll have to see you before spending all this time at sea."

You nodded slowly, struggling not to cry as you stared into his deep brown eyes.

"I'll come then," you said softly.

"I don't want to force you," he added.

You merely remained silent, and he nodded slowly. You saw him clenching his jaw as he took a step back. You could see that he was sad, you could see he wanted you to say goodbye the proper way. Although, you didn't think that saying goodbye to the man you loved would be made the proper way if you did it in front of the entire Castle.

"I guess I should bid you farewell now then," he said slowly.

You flinched.

"Goodbye, Y/N," he went on, his voice rather cold now, although his dark eyes were full of pain. "Take care of yourself."

He turned towards the door.

But you couldn't let him go away like this...

"Caspian," you called, your voice shaking.

He froze, turning his attention back to you.

"I don't want you to go," you whispered.

You felt a tear roll down your cheek, and you closed your eyes, trying to stop crying before you would sob.

But then you felt Caspian's warm and calloused hands on your cheeks, slowly drying them, and you looked up at him again.

"I don't want you to leave," you repeated.

He wrapped his strong arms around you, and you rested your forehead against his shoulder as he soothingly stroked your back, holding your head in his large palm.

"I'm sorry," he breathed. "I'm sorry, I don't want to hurt you. But I need to go. I need to find those Lords. I need to know what happened to them. Do you understand?"

You nodded slowly.

"I still don't want you to go," you said, a sad smile on your face.

He looked down at you again. He seemed hesitant all of a sudden.

"Y/N... I have something to give you."

He took a sealed parchment from his pocket and handed it to you.

"Don't read it," he instructed as you held the paper in your hands. "Don't read it unless..."

You looked up at him with terrified eyes, but he gave you a reassuring smile.

"I'm sure I'll be just fine. I'm sure I'll come back. But just in case, I want you to have this."

You nodded slowly, before an idea would cross your mind.

You took off your necklace that never left your side. It was a mere pendant in the form of the sun. You handed it to him.

"It's been in my family for generations now," you said softly. "My mother gave it to me before she died. It's tradition in the family, that the oldest daughter would wear it. I want you to have it, it's supposed to protect whoever wears it."

"It belongs to your family, I can't accept such gift," he protested.

"It's not a gift," you said. "I want you to have it during your journey, it's supposed to protect the one who carries it. And then... it'll force you to come back to give it back to me."

You exchanged a smile, and he took your necklace in his large hand, staring at the old piece of metal.

"Promise me you'll wear it, it'll bring you luck," you said.

He nodded.

"I'll take care of it," he said softly.

"I'll come to see you go this afternoon," you decided.

"Are you sure?"

You nodded, and he smiled.

"I'll see you later then," he said, smiling.

You nodded, before letting him walk to the door. But he froze as he stood on the threshold.

"I'll miss you, Y/N," he said softly, turning towards you again.

"I'll miss you too, Caspian," you smiled. "And you'd better come back here in one piece, or you'll have me to deal with."

He laughed, looking at you with tender eyes, before striding out of the room.

You looked down at the envelope that you still held in your hands, and you were overwhelmed with a brand new wave of fear. He had written this in case he would not come back. Which meant that there was a probability for him not to come back that was high enough for Caspian to write a letter to you.

You strode to the table and seized a quill, some dark ink, and a piece of parchment.

You sealed the short note once you had finished to write it down, and then you stared at it for a long while...

You just begged Aslan that Caspian would never have to break this seal...

* * *

You had remained close to the door. You didn't want to be caught in the middle of all the velvet and silk that had gathered near the throne. Instead, you were waiting near the soldiers. Caspian had made his speech, short but getting to the point and he had clearly expressed his wishes for the Kingdom while he would be gone. It was short, but efficient. Although, you could see that he was still not used to make this kind of speech. His words were inspiring, and yet he didn't seem to realize how much people believed in them. And now he was lost in the middle of all the women who lived in the Castle. You winced at the sight of them bending before him as he walked down the hall. He seemed to be looking for someone among them, and you saw him flinch when he didn't find the person he longed to see.

His eyes carefully examined the wide group again, as he nodded to the women before whom he was walking.

And then his eyes continued down the room and finally landed on you, and he grinned.

He quickened his pace down the room, shaking a few hands, before finally arriving before you.

You made a movement to bend, but he shook his head, and so you remained standing before him.

"So... I'm supposed to bid you farewell now, right?" he asked.

"Not farewell," you replied. "Just a goodbye."

His smile widened.

"You're right. Goodbye, Y/N,"

You noticed that he hadn't used the term 'Lady', only your name, despite the fact that everyone in the room was staring at the two of you and listening closely to his words.

"Goodbye, Caspian," you said, smiling.

You handed him your note.

"Just in case," you breathed. "Don't read it unless..."

He smiled again, taking your letter.

"Don't worry, I have my lucky charm with me," he replied, and his fingers came resting on his chest, where you recognized your pendant.

You nodded, your throat too tight to speak.

He raised his hand towards your face but then he froze, and rested it on your arm instead. When he spoke again, his voice was just a whisper, so that only you could hear him.

"Give me a smile," he said softly. "So I can take it with me. I want to remember you smiling."

You found that it wasn't so difficult to force a smile on your face.

He smiled back at you.

"Thank you," he breathed.

Suddenly he let go of your arm and walked to the door.

But before he would walk out of the room he turned back one last time. And it was upon you that his eyes lingered for a while, before he would disappear in the corridor.

They were coming closer and closer every second. He was in full armour, ready to face whatever was awaiting them.

As he approached the source of evil, all he could think about was you.

He was supposed to walk on the deck of the Dawn Trader in just a few minutes, and find the right words that would motivate his men to take arms against this enemy that seemed so hard to defeat.

But for now, he was sitting in his private cabin, staring at your letter that he held in his hand. In his other hand, he held tightly your necklace. It had never left his neck during the whole trip. Since this day when he had walked out of the throne hall, his eyes lingering on you, your necklace had always rested upon his heart. He was grateful to you for having given him this item, it felt a bit like he had you by his side.

But now he was about to face the greatest enemy he had ever faced, and he didn't know if he would be strong enough. Strong enough to conquer his own fears, strong enough to guide his men through the storm that awaited them, strong enough to fight a foe that was playing with his own mind.

What if he wasn't strong enough and couldn't come back to you?

You had given him this letter in case he thought he could not come back. And for now, he reckoned that the odds were playing against him. And if he was to die, he wanted to know what secret you wanted to confess to him.

So he stopped hesitating and he tore the wax apart, unsealing your note.

He unfolded the letter, and he froze as he read your words.

Just three words written in dark ink.

Nothing more, just three words.

He read them again and again... until they were carved in his mind forever.

He smiled. Slowly, the little thing formed on his face, curving up his lips. It was dreamy and earnest.

And he couldn't imagine that he could learn the best news of his life right before dying.

He had to find a way to get back to you, whatever the odds, whatever he would have to do to see you again.

He stood up, leaving the note under his armour to rest against his heart, and he strode out of the room and towards the deck. He knew what to say to his men. He knew what he would fight for. He knew he needed to win, whatever the cost, whatever how terrifying the shape his foe had chosen could be.

You loved him, and he had to go back to you to tell you face to face that he loved you too...

* * *

There had been no news from the Dawn Trader for weeks now. Some people wanted to send an expedition to go look for the King. Others thought he was already dead.

You thought he would come back to you. He had promised he would, and Caspian always held his promises.

Although, his letter never left you. It was always there, safely hidden in one of your pockets or against your heart. You didn't dare to open it. No matter the rumours, no matter what other people were saying... as long as you didn't see his body, Caspian was alive and well. And you felt like you would bring him bad luck if you opened his letter, as if he would really die if you read these words he meant to be read only after he was gone.

So you waited for weeks and weeks, and after a while, you were one of the few who still believed in a miracle.

And so when words came from the Lone Islands that the King was coming back, you couldn't help but cry in relief.

You left the Castle with most of the people living there to travel to the harbour to see the King coming back.

You saw the great boat approaching. It seemed partially broken, although it had clearly been repaired. You watched as the boat arrived to the harbour. You watched as the men hurried on the deck and then... then you recognized him. He was standing there, shouting orders and helping with the sails... He was wearing this large white shirt that you loved. He was much more tanned than when he had left, but after so much time at sea, you reckoned it was a normal thing. He seemed tired, even from where you stood, but he seemed to be unhurt and well.

People cheered as they recognised him, and once the boat was secured, he turned towards the crowd, shaking his hand while scanning the crowd with these dark eyes you had missed so damn much. He seemed to be looking for someone while he waved his hand, but you saw his smile faltering as he searched through the crowd again and again.

And suddenly his eyes found you through the ocean of people you were lost in, and he grinned.

The crew climbed down the boat, and Caspian quickly found himself surrounded by Lords, Commanders and friends. But after a few minutes, you saw him push them all softly away, as if he couldn't lose any more time on official affairs. As if he had something more important to do.

You weren't in the front rows, actually there were probably a dozen of people before you. But Caspian went on his tiptoes, searching through the crowd, and you raised your hand for him to see where you were. When he spotted you he smiled again, and he passed the guards that kept an eye on the crowd. Despite the protests of the soldiers who were to protect him, Caspian started to walk through the crowd.

He gave polite smiles to all the people who pressed themselves closer to him, and he shook a few hands that were extended towards him. But all the time his dark eyes were fixed upon yours.

Eventually, he managed to reach you, and he froze. He gently pushed the people around him away, but they didn't leave the two of you much space. Although, he didn't seem to care much. He remained motionless for a moment, grinning, until you both started to laugh. You were laughing out of relief, out of joy, out of all these weeks you had spent worrying about him and terrified at the idea of what could happen to him...

And then when you finally calmed down, he raised his hand, his fingertips brushing down the side of your face, a dreamy glint shining in his eyes. He moved even closer to you and held your face in both his hands, his thumbs stroking softly your cheekbones, losing his fingertips in your hair.

You grinned, tears shining at the corner of your eyes, and before you could say anything, he had crushed your lips together.

He wrapped one arm around your waist, drawing you closer to him, while his other hand slipped from your cheek to your hair. And you happily complied when he silently asked for permission to deepen the kiss.

You felt that people around you were slowly moving away, making more room for the two of you. Perhaps they felt uncomfortable, perhaps they tried to get further away to have a better view of the woman their King was kissing. Honestly, you couldn't have cared less.

When you finally broke away, both of you out of breath, he looked right into your eyes. His hand left your hair, and came resting on his chest, where you recognized your necklace.

"I brought it back, as promised," he breathed softly.

You were aware that dozens of strangers were staring at you, and listening to every words Caspian and you could say. But you couldn't find a way to care. Caspian was safe, in your arms, and that was all that mattered.

"I think you should keep it though," you answered. "You seem to have a tendency to find yourself in trouble. You seem to need it much more than I do."

He let out a low chuckle, resting his forehead against yours.

"I read your note," he breathed.

You could feel the air escaping his lungs collide with your lips, making you shiver.

"There was a moment during my journey," he whispered. "I didn't think we would come back. I'll tell you everything that happened later but... I didn't think I could ever see you again. So I read your note."

"Well, that explains your way to say hello," you smiled, your tone matching his.

You both chuckled, and he brushed his thumb alongside your jawline.

"I fought to get back to you," he whispered. "I fought to be able to tell you that... that I love you. I love you with all my heart."

You grinned, running your hands through his dark hair.

"I didn't read yours," you said softly. "I was scared you would die if I did."

"Well, I'm here now. Safe and sound. I think it's quite safe that you read it too."

You took his note out of your pocket and you unfolded it.

You grinned, recognizing his hurried handwriting, and you rested your brow in the crook of his neck.

"You wrote exactly the same thing as I did," you breathed.

You wrapped both your arms around his neck, holding him tightly against you.

"They all thought you were dead," you whispered in his ear. "We didn't have any news, and everyone thought that you wouldn't come back. But I knew you would. I knew you would hold true to your word."

"I'll always come back to you, Y/N."

You both remained standing there, holding on each other tightly. And behind you, a young woman managed to read the words that Caspian had written in dark ink.

 _I love you._


End file.
